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October 2015

Is Bragging About Sex In Bad Taste?

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who has recently started having sex and he mentioned how he used to brag about it to several people. His girlfriend was less than thrilled about him sharing their intimate moments with others. I figured he would eventually calm the hell down and realize, dude, it’s just sex.

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How much do guys brag about sex? 
After doing some research, Bustle had an article about a similar topic. They turned to Reddit to see just how much guys really do talk sex with “the guys.” To my shock, my husband’s responses have been true: guys normally don’t talk about sex as often as women assume they do. In fact, Penn State conducted a study in 2002 and discovered that women were more likely to talk about their sexual encounters than men and women were more open about the dirty details. Men mostly talk about masturbation (of course lol) while women shied away from that topic. In case you don’t think 2002 facts are current enough, here is the Bustle article where they showed the Reddit answers about men bragging.

The truth behind the theory
After reading this, I started thinking about how true this theory could be. I have a good amount of male and female friends (and acquaintances) and I’ve noticed, the women were more open than guys were about sex. The guys never really shared anything unless I specifically asked, furthermore, men never went into details. Maybe it’s weird to talk about the shameful acts they have done to a girl with another girl or maybe it’s a guy code to only speak with other guys, but my hubby has definitely confirmed this. I have always asked him what him and his boys (back home) spoke about and he would always deny talking about sex or girls, unless it was a relationship with a girl. Even then, relationship talks were kept to a minimum, after all, guys’ night was just about guys, not girl talk. In a nutshell, ladies, we were wrong to accuse men obsessing over us.

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Do women really enjoy being bragged about? Yes and no.
After asking a few women, single, married, or in serious relationships, if they would mind their hubbies bragging about their sex life, their answers were surprising. All of them said, they would not mind at all, some even would encourage it but when asked if the people their hubbies were bragging to were women, it did not fly. While a few still had no problem with this, majority did not feel the same way. Nancy, 24, said, “I don’t think other women need to know my husband’s sex life.” Lola, 29, replied, “That would not sit well with me,” she added, “I wouldn’t want [her partner] talking to them about our sexual life.” Jenn, 27, said “Heck, no, he shouldn’t be talking to any female like that.” Debbie, 28, said she would have questions, “How did the topic of what your wife does in bed come up? What was the conversation leading up to that?” When you think about it, you have to question why is the topic of sex even on the table with any woman besides your own?

So who does brag?
According to the Examiner, some people who do brag (women are included), could be doing so to build their self confidence. They will also find any way possible to incorporate their means of bragging in any situation – appropriate or not. Along with boosting their self esteem up, those who do brag could be narcissists. Jami McDonald, life coach and hypnotherapist explains, “In their mind they are boosting their egos, encouraging their own vanity, and irritating others with selfish behaviors,” adding “It could definitely fall under narcissist tendencies, but do they really get anything fictitious sex stories?”

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Another male source who commented via Examiner said, “I personally don’t think anyone brings that topic up, professional setting or not, without the intent of trying to get in someone’s pants, at some point, anyway. We are men after all.” Ironically, this quote ties up with what Debbie mentioned earlier: the need to question why sex was ever the topic of conversation. Is that to assume sex is on the table as well?

Bottom line: Don’t kiss and tell
Think about your partner’s feelings before you go on an ego trip. What you may think is something to brag about, she considers private and intimate. If someone asks you an intimate question, make sure your partner is okay with you sharing the answer. Respect your better half’s requests and put yourself in their shoes but when it doubt, just heed Examiner‘s advice, “It just isn’t ever a good idea to brag about sexual conquests with the opposite sex. In most situations, it’s just tacky.”

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What I Have Learned In My First Year Of Marriage

Hello my little buttercups! September 15 marked my one year anniversary and, boy, have I learned a lot! People always tell me two things: The first year is always the hardest or the first year is always the easiest. Now, I think because we spent the majority of our first year apart (Thanks U.S.C.G! hmph!), we grew closer and our love for each other really blossomed. That is not to say I don’t know what I am talking about when it comes to marriage because when he was home, I had a role to play. Here is what I have learned in my first year of marriage!

  1. You can’t change someone but you can improve them
    My husband cannot clean a dish to save his life but if I need him to run to the store and buy me tampons, you better believe he will come back with Playtex Sport Super & Regular Unscented. He also enjoys collecting old things. Whether or not they work is irrelevant, he just likes old things. Right before we moved, I was able to convince him to either throw away or donate items he hadn’t touched or will never use. I would say I “changed” him but then he brought home this
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    A 76mm shell -.-. I am not allowed to toss it because he got his shipmates to sign them. Tricky bastard.
  2. Your spouse will become your best friend
    When we just moved from NJ to MA, we had to stay at a military hotel then when he finally got us our apartment, we had no cable or internet. From that moment on, we developed a very comfortable way of spending time together. We would talk about politics, religion, comedy, nature, pretty much anything and everything and we got in deep! If we were upset over something, we would go to each other. We would depend on the other to lift our spirits. We learned how to have fun with each other and not take ourselves too seriously.
  3. It’s good to have your own hobbies
    My hubby loves his online gaming. If he’s not online gaming, he’s at the comic book store, hiking with our Potato, or whatever the hell he did in his side of the apartment. When he was doing any of these, I would have to be doing something to entertain myself. I like cooking, working on cosplays, writing, dreaming of being a Suicide Girl (I do the last one when he’s not around). It’s good to have your own thing and it took me months to figure out my hobbies.
  4. Not everyone will agree with your lifestyle
    Call me old fashion but I like catering to him at his every whim. I do it so often that even he had to stop me and remind me that he’s “no king.” But the two things he failed to realize was 1) I was raised to always cater to my husband and 2) I treat him like a king because he treats me like a queen. I enjoy cooking for him, cleaning up after him, rubbing his back, scratching his head, doing his laundry, I love all that shit and I know he appreciates it.
  5. He is your husband, not your boyfriend
    If we had a fight, I couldn’t  just walk out, erase his number, and move on. I couldn’t hang up the phone and ignore him for days. We saw each other every day, every night (when he wasn’t always). He wasn’t a boyfriend I could dump whenever he pissed me off. We had to work through things or agree to disagree. There were times we both didn’t say a word to each other and stayed in opposite sides of the apartment but it was best because it gave us time to cool off.
  6. You can say ‘No’
    “Wanna have sex?”
    “No.”
    “Ok.”
    😦
  7. Co-dependency is a slippery slope
    I admit it, I became co-dependent on him sometimes. ‘Christian, can you drive,’ ‘Christian, can you pick up food,’ ‘Christian, can you come with me here, here, and here?’ But when he was away, holy hell, did I had to become independent FAST. This is when I also learned I had my own hobbies as well. When he came back, we naturally enjoyed hanging out with each other, especially since we didn’t know anyone else who lived close by to hang out with.
  8. Don’t hold on to arguments
    No one enjoys giving in to fights or admitting they are wrong but sometimes, you just have to do it, not just to keep the peace but because it’s good to forgive. I often try to keep from saying hurtful things but if I do happen to slip, I know when I have to apologize and make it right. His way of forgiving and moving on is tackling me down, tickling me, and smothering me with kisses while I thrash around like a cat wrapped up in a towel fighting off love.
  9. You will come to terms with each other’s habits
    He likes to groom himself and keep his uni-brow under control while I spot treat blemishes throughout the night and take forever washing my hair. These are just part of ourselves that we never really shared with other people because, well, we’ve never lived with anyone else to this capacity before. One thing I have to say is, THANK GOODNESS for two bathrooms!
  10. You should have two rooms
    Speaking of multiple rooms, as much as I love and adore my husband, it was great to have our bedroom and his man cave. Of course, we had the common areas which were the kitchen and living room but having that second room just for him and his things really worked well for us. Before we lived in this spacious apartment, we lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment which was cluttered in mainly his old man things. Two bedrooms were accommodating because it gave both of us a chance to spend time apart so he could play his on line games in peace while I watched my guilty pleasure, Love & HipHop. Plus, when we were in a “I’m not speaking to you” mood, we had our separate corners to hide in.
  11. Remember, you’re married now
    It took some adjusting but sometimes we had to remind ourselves – or each other – we are now married, so certain things needed to change. I could no longer have guys texting me throughout the night because it was disrespectful to my husband. This wasn’t his choice, this was my personal choice because I wouldn’t like any of his skanky fan club members to hit him up in the evening either. He also had to learn certain things were not kosher to say to other women because how it could be taken out of context.

You da man, my love!

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If you’ve been married longer than a year, what have you learned? Please, Like, Share, & Comment below! 😀

10 Music Videos With Powerful Messages

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Thanx to everyone who gave me suggestions about powerful messages in music videos. From what you guys submitted to me and my personal favorites, I was able to come up with 10. I could have gone further but shit is over 1,300 words and it’s getting late. Anyway, here are 10 music videos with compelling messages.

  1. Rise Against – Make It Stop (September’s Children)
    If there was a video that made me stop and realize how fucked up our world is, this is the video. Rise Against felt the urgency to produce a music video dedicated to all those kids who committed suicide from bullying in September 2011. He mentions a few of those kids in the video as well (Tyler Clementi age 18; Billy Lucas, age 15; Harrison Chase Brown, age 15; Cody J. Barker, age 17; Seth Walsh, age 13). The lyrics are beautifully written and, yet, it still isn’t enough to keep our kids from choosing this path in life. “Too much blood have flown from the wrists of the children shamed for those they chose to kiss.” What’s the message behind this song? It’s in the song: It will get better. If you see someone being bullied, fuck it, beat the shit out of the bully. You saw what happened to that dick who was bullying the blind kid. That asshole got his ass dropped! Well deserved.
  2. Beyonce – Pretty Hurts
    I know, it’s girly but it’s appropriate. Now, guys may not find this relevant but most, if not all, women do. Men really don’t know the pressure women are constantly under. It doesn’t matter how confident we may come off in public, we all have insecurities and there will always be someone to point them out. “Blonder hair, flat chest, TV says, ‘Bigger is better,’ South Beach, sugar free, Vogue says, ‘Thinner is better.” It is painful being a woman. Body hair waxing, bleaching your hair or even your skin, getting your nails done, spending money on your make up. Social media and society keeps forcing us to look a certain way and it feels like we can never do enough to fit in this impossible, bubble we are told to view as the “perfect body.”
  3. Lady Gaga – Born This Way
    Talk about an artistic form of giving birth! Lady Gaga stands for all LGBT kids, teens, young adults, “grown ups,” and she let it be known in her video Born This Way. This music video may not make too much sense the way her lyrics do but… oh, well, it’s my blog! Her song is powerful because she is encouraging us to do the unthinkable: Be ourselves and love ourselves. “Whether life’s disabilities left you outcast, bullied, or teased, rejoice and love yourself today, cause, baby, you were born this way.”
  4. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – Same Love
    “No freedom until we’re equal, damn right, I support it.” This has always been my favorite line of the entire song. I love this video because it shows the birth of a child who struggles with being gay. A child. This child grows up and has to deal with such fear no one should ever suffer through. The heart warming part of this video, to me, is when he marries his love and you see his mother at his wedding. It’s a beautiful video of a strong relationship. It’s not perverted by religion. It’s funny, the religions that claim being gay is a sin and yet touch and rape little innocent boys, preach such hypocrisy and its followers eat that shit up. I find it pretty ironic that those pedophiles influence a mass amount of people who scream out, “Gay is wrong!” but still worship these religious pedophiles disguised as idols but that’s none of my business…
  5. M.I.A. – Born Free
    This is a pretty graphic video and when I mean graphic, I mean, you see people blowing up. M.I.A. was dubbed the anti-popstar because she, truly, isn’t afraid of taking on political issues. Maybe that’s why we don’t see her videos on MTV or VH1… but Miley Cyrus is okay. Anyway, this video shows a genocide happening towards red-headed individuals. That’s right, gingers being round up, shoved up in a bus, and being forced to run through a minefield. For what? For just having red hair. But Ally, isn’t that what happened with the Jews, gypsies, Christians, and everyone else Hitler didn’t like?  Why, yes, my little buttercup, that is exactly what happened. You see, when a group of people who have such hate against a certain type of person, the human race can become ruthless, blood thirsty, and inhumane and what’s worse, as humans, we don’t need reason for our actions.
  6. P!nk – Family Portrait
    This video may be a little lighter on the eyes for viewers, unless you have lived through this exact situation. The words that really touched me were, ” You fight about money, about me and my brother and this I come home to, this is my shelter. It’s ain’t easy growin’ up in WWIII. Never knowing what love could be, you’ll see. I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family.” P!nk tapped into her childhood and decided to write a song conjuring up hard memories of her parents’ divorce. She wrote exactly what every child wants to say to their parents when they are going through problems resulting in divorce.
  7. Serj Tankian – Empty Walls
    This was another video that got me thinking as well. It starts off clearly with a little girl building her two “twin towers” and then a little boy throws his airplane causing her towers to fall. She calls for reinforcement and that is went shit hits the fan. The kids declare war and begin bombing each other, forcing the kids playing “house” out, killing them or throwing them in prison. Other kids opt for suicide car bombs until there is no one left standing but a floor of dead children. The children hear a funeral happening outside and see two parents of a soldier about to be buried. They are all someone’s child. “I loved you yesterday, before you killed my family.” The image that really stuck out to me was the image portraying Ali Shallal al-Qaisi. For the sake of having the FBI kicking down my door, I’ll keep my opinions about this to myself.
  8. Lady Gaga – Til It Happens To You
    This video inspired me to do this post. I wasn’t surprised to see Lady Gaga talk about this issue but I wasn’t ready to see the images of rape being so raw. The images that burned my head were the thrusting and the girl passed out on the chair with her panties down to her knees. Her lyrics are harsh but true. “Tell me how the hell could you know? How could you know? Till it happens to you, you don’t know how it feels.” College campus rape is hitting the spotlight more often than we’d like to admit and what’s worse, these are just the cases women are building the courage to talk about. This doesn’t include the silent stories from women who have been shamed, forcing them to keep quiet about their nightmare.
  9. Pearl Jam – Jeremy
    You know, for a song like this to come out when I was a child and then have my generation have kids to only mistreat them is so mind boggling. Parents, listen to your kids! I was too young to grasp the words to this song and I didn’t watch the full video in its entirety until I was an adult. I knew it was banned because the ending of the video (and b/c of the Hilter salute) but I don’t think it should have ever been banned. We are not the age of innocence and there are far too many children committing suicide because no has is telling them they are loved, they matter, they are worth something.
  10. Madonna – Like A Prayer
    The real and the original Shock Queen, Madonna certainly pissed a lot of people off with this video. Where can I begin? Black Jesus, burning crosses, killing a woman and blaming the black guy, a black saint. Madonna, what didn’t you cover in this video? Racism makes everyone uncomfortable and for her to put it right there, in front of viewers, was kinda her saying, “This is how ignorant you sound.”

Hope you guys enjoyed them! Like, Share, & Comment. If you liked it, great! If you think it sucked, boo! Leave comments below and tell me what video you like that isn’t listed and why it’s awesome.

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