What Am I Doing?

This does not directly involve music. Well, it kinda does. You just have to continue reading to see what the mystery holds 😀 !

So, I actually started this post about 2 weeks but ended up deleting it all because, frankly, it was way too fucking long. For anyone who has been reading this or knows me in this “real life”, they will know I have moved to Massachusetts. Now, what people don’t know is what the fuck I’ve been doing. What am I doing? Not a fucking thing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That’s not true, I’ve been attempting to train my senior dog but other than that, NOTHING.

I do have a degree in English, I did love my previous job as Accounts Receivables, I enjoyed making my own money & not need to depend on someone else. After I got married to my military man and settled in our new home, I will admit, I was looking forward to be taken cared of for a change. Now, people are asking me, “what do you do?” or “what are you doing to do?”. I can’t help but wonder if they are asking me this to judge me or if they really are interested. I have no idea what I want to do. The most I can say is I’m a blogger… and that isn’t saying much considering how often I monitor my own page! Despite my previous jobs, I never want another corporate job. I hated that part of my previous work place. I hated having to dress nice at all times, not being able to swear, can’t dye my hair blue, can’t make multiple friends b/c you can’t trust everyone and not everyone will get your sense of humor.

Now, I want a job where I can write about music, not about politics b/c honestly, I don’t care about politics and probably never will UNTIL it will PERSONALLY affect ME as a person, NOT as a whole city/town/state. I don’t want to go over seas and cover those dangerous stories b/c I am chicken shit, I’ll admit it. It’s bad enough ISIS is already targeting military families, I don’t want the extra attention. I rather write about the music I enjoy, work somewhere I can either work from home or somewhere will BLUE HAIR is encouraged, replying, “fuck off,” to Chirpy Nancy’s “good morning” is the norm. Hell, I’ll work in a record store which I would perfectly be content to do b/c guess what, I’ll be surrounded by MUSIC!

Now, why am I not working yet? B/c I do want to enjoy the time I do have off. I don’t feel the pressure of having to live pay check to paycheck anymore. My husband has generously encouraged if I even want a part time gig, it’s okay b/c we won’t have to worry about money. This topic has been on my mind for months now b/c women are pressured to work and be independent and not “need no man” to support them. I’m sorry, the way I was brought up is slightly different. I totally, completely believe a man should take care of his wife. A wife should look at her husband and know things will be okay b/c he has things under control. I also believe a woman should take care of her husband. A husband should be able to come home to his wife and feel the stress of the day slip away. If my husband is out providing for us, I should be able to keep a clean home, have food made, and take care of myself. If roles were reversed, I’d expect the same. It’s about earning your keeping. However, IF a wife wants to go out and make money, too. Great. Whether she wants to bring her own money to the table or use that money for herself, I think it’s totally her choice. If her husband can provide for them both, she shouldn’t HAVE to work unless she chooses to. Thankfully, my husband has given me a choice but also encourages me to write whatever I want and doesn’t put pressure on me. Frankly, I never believed in marriage but I’d like to think we did pretty alright when it came down to discussing it.

One of the things that do suck about not working is that I have a lot of time on my hands. When I worked and he was in bootcamp, time did go faster. Now, I get to fill my days with training my dog, going to the gym, trying out new recipes, handling our bills (which when he is away, is actually a LOT of work), and just being home. What does get to me is that I’m 27, married, in a new place. What am I doing with myself? I have no clue. I still have to figure out what I want to do but I am happy to know I have someone who isn’t pushing me or pressuring me to do anything, instead, he is encouraging me. I’ll get my shit together soon. I know it’ll work out.