Urban Dictionary describes a groupie as “a young woman, often under age, who seeks to achieve status by having sex with rock musicians, roadies, securities, and other band-related guys.”

I must disagree. Coming from a has-been groupie waaaaaaaay back in the day, I think a groupie can be anyone from an under aged girl, under aged boy, full grown man (but that sounds kinda creepy. I just had a mental thought of a 43 year old man creeping on… Idk, who’s a popular female under aged pop star? Is Ariana Grande really above 21?), or even a MILF. A groupie to me is anyone who just likes to have a little fun with big, famous, pretty, money making, dick swinging, boobie popping musician – or musicians if you’re into the whole gang bang thing. I’ve never met a professional groupie (I just made that occupation up. They get paid!… in EXPERIENCES!) but I always wanted to. I’d have a few questions to ask them:

  1. How young were you when you started to become a groupie?
  2. How many musicians do you have under your belt?
  3. Who was your biggest accomplishment?
  4. Did you bring back a souvenir?  STD’s are included in this question.
  5. What drives you to be a groupie?
  6. Can you be in a relationship as a groupie?
  7. Is there a national competition between groupies? Is it like cats? Once you nail a star, must you fend off the other groupies?
  8. How do you afford following musicians?
  9. Do you keep a journal of all your sexy adventures?
  10. If so, can I read it for my personal usage?

I think these are reasonable questions to ask a groupie. Could you imagine their life stories? I am going to buy Pamela Des Barres’ I’m with the Band: Confessions of a Groupie. My husband is deployed so this will become my version of the house wife’s porn book, 50 Shades of Grey. It’ll just be me, my hormones, and M. Shadows. BABY MAKING THOUGHTS! M. Shadows, get me pregnant! My husband will understand! He can have Alyson Hannigan, we have an agreement. LET’S DO THIS!

I don’t find anything wrong with groupies. If you feel the need to make your stardom by laying as many musicians as you possibly can, then do your thing! However, for the sake of everyone else you sleep with, use condoms. Keep on spreading those legs and swinging that penis! You are living the dream 😀

groupie7

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