November strolled in with high highs!
I started working two jobs, taking drum classes, and doing pole. I was %100 committed to all of these responsibilities. I was working part-time from 9am-2pm at a corporate office I used to work in before I got married in 2014, freelancing for an online newspaper in the afternoon, drumming in my spare time (or on Monday evenings for class), stretching, and doing pole on weekends. I had a good balance but it turns out one of my passions began to dwindle, not because I didn’t love it but because I felt like I was not good enough. I felt insecure about not meeting the high set standards no matter far I tippy-toed.
I did have an outlet when my self-doubt would get the best of me. Whenever I felt insecure about anything, I could always rely on weekends to restart my energy for the week. I had thrown myself into a form of dance – pole. I started pole dancing back in June 2019 but really threw myself into it as the winter came.
Walking into the pole studio for the first time was intimidating. I met my instructor, Starr, and she was this fit confident woman. She was so comfortable about her body and she radiated sensuality. She started class with a stretch to warm up our bodies and it was enough to make me blush. I was familiar with simple stretches but she made sure we began tapping into our seductive side real QUICK. By this point, I was regretting signing up for this class. I felt stupid for moving my hips around, for looking in the mirror, and for thinking I possessed a single sexy side at all.
Starr may or may have not noticed my timid behavior but she made sure I became comfortable enough to at least touch the damn pole. At the end of the the class, I was able to talk to her and it was reassuring that she related when she first started off as well. She was a tom boy and she found her love with dancing pole. It gave her a chance to express her sexy side and get in touch with her femininity. Okay, so I was willing to stick it out.
Now, when I arrive to the studio, nothing matters. I become a different person. I haven’t named this vixen that would come alive in that room but, suddenly, I am no longer this shy and insecure version of myself. I’m confident, I am ready to contract my core muscles, I am ready to bruise and re-bruise knots I had developed on my shins from climbing, I was ready to pull my body weight with my arms (don’t do this, I pulled whatever shoulder muscle I hurt trying to pull my weight with ONE arm). I was ready.
I love dancing on the pole because I get to see how far I can push my body and how far I can push my comfort zone and for that, I am pretty fucking proud of myself 🙂
Organized Chaos 