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“Why did you stop?”

In mid November, I had met up with a high school friend, Diandra, and when she asked me, “So, what are you doing in Puerto Rico?!”

I replied,

“Nothing. Just a housewife.”

Catching up just to sit down
I had went back to New Jersey for a few weeks due to hurricane Maria ripping through Puerto Rico. I stayed with my parents and I was able to catch up with some friends, mainly my high school girls, Mimi and Joy. Thankfully, we all live close to each other and decided to meet up and catch up on what has been going on in our lives.

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Old friends

Mimi struggled with anxiety but works hard to not let it run her life. She dished about her amazing job, the comfortable pay, exciting trip she took to Europe last year, and even about a new man in her life. Despite it all, she looked and sounded genuinely happy. Despite her demons, she was able to overcome all of her hardship and find herself on top.

Joy will be getting married in March, she is a registered nurse, and she is still climbing up, focused on actually helping people, and secure her future. After seeing her with someone for over 10 years who, not only mentally abused her, but constantly cheated and actually held her back from her full potential, it was heart warming to know she was able to rise up and realize her self worth.

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Friends

When it was my turn to speak, I was already mentally preparing myself for the same conversation with Diandra and I was ready to recite, once again, “Nothing. Just a housewife.” Instead, these powerful, ambitious, independent women asked:

“Are you still running?”
“What happened to your blog?”
“Why did you stop writing?”
“What about drawing?”

Once I heard these questions, it was as if they were describing this unique, happy, free individual with talent and ambition. Those talents and pastimes just floated in the air to form a person who was full of life, just to be let down and shut out. That wasn’t me or, I guess, it used to be but not anymore. To be honest, they caught me off guard, I was surprised they knew that much about me!

So, why did I stop?
I guess I stopped doing these things because I am afraid of failing. I am afraid my writing has suffered because I haven’t been on top of it. I am afraid of running because I haven’t in so long. I’m afraid of drawing because I don’t feel good enough to do so. I am afraid of updating my blog because I will feel insignificant and whiny. I would be lying if I didn’t think Annie (my anxiety) had something to do with how I am feeling. My anxiety does pull me down but hearing my friends actually care about little things I enjoyed doing gave me the little push I needed.

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My wedding day

I had been away from my friends for so long and have settled for others due to my living situation that I forgot who I was. Of course, I don’t mean I NEED them to get me back on track but to be reminded of the person you once were from the people who actually took notice, does help  me put things into perspective. It’s so easy to meet people but most just want to talk about themselves rather than get to know you and through that, I lost who I was. Yes, this does sound needy but sometimes, you just need real encouragement from friends who know the real you.

Trying is better than not
I am not one of those people who go around shouting “New Year, New Me!” Whenever I say I am going to change something about myself, I never do. In fact, I get overwhelmed by the pressure and end up doing the opposite and stop. What they said stuck with me and slowly I was getting my itch to doodle and write again. I worked on a little doodle D had been asking for, I wrote down some ideas for the blog, and had to buy a new charger to use my laptop. It would be too easy to say I will be updating more often but I would also be lying. I am hoping to keep up and actually do it and that’s all I can say.

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Everything will fall into place

 

 

Ways of getting around being homesick

Has anyone ever been homesick? I remember when I was about 18 years old, I had went to California to visit my brother for a month. Holy shit, by week 3, I was so homesick and actually missed my parents. Before you say, “well, you’re a baby, you’re supposed to miss them,” – no. I was 18 years old. I’m supposed to be happy to be away and the first two weeks were great but I really got home sick for my parents, their food, surrounding, comfortableness of home. Thankfully, my brother took me out so I wasn’t obsessing over how much I missed home. I didn’t get that feeling until I moved to another state least year. By that time, I was 27 years old. The first few weeks were, again, great because I had moved with my new hubby but then he left. He had to go underway and I was alone. I had never been all alone for such a long period of time in my entire life. I had dormed in college but I always had a room mate. I learned very quickly, I needed to adjust and keep myself occupied.

Below are some activities that I have done to help me cope with being homesick. Enjoy!

1. NETFLIX! I’ll talk about the fucking gym later on. We all know Netflix is good for the body and soul, too! Get into a show that is going to keep you busy and entertained. I decided on the Gilmore Girls because it has so many seasons, Army Wives, Sons of Anarchy, Pretty Little Liars. Shows with over 3 seasons will be your best friend – especially if you’re away at college… that is, when you finally take the nozzle of the beer you’ve been funneling out of your mouth!09e
courtesy of knowyourmeme.com

note: RESIST watching the seasons in a weekend time. You will burn through your shows, be depressed when they end, and be at square one again.

2. Get a hobby. I hate when people say that to me. I feel like the girls I know don’t really have many hobbies. Please spare me, hiking, gym, running as hobbies – shoot yourselves. I’m addressing this to the “normal” cupcake eating, occasional jogging to show off your new leggings, “I’ll start this diet Monday” girls. I actually found my hobby (if you can call it that) and that is cosplaying. Once I get into a project, THAT IS IT. I devote a lot of time to the character I am creating. What makes this particular hobby fun and time consuming is the way I make the costumes. I normally do a “rough draft” as practice to see if I can work with the first thing I made or if I need to tweak it or start from scratch by using another method. Cosplaying is a lot of work and can drain some money. I just started this hobby so I am not savvy on buying cheap but good material yet.
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courtesy of memegenerator.com

3. Plants. This might sound crazy but it took me years to enjoy the presence of plants. We have a little jalepno plant in our apartment that is about 2 years old now. I want to actually grow my own veggies, herbs, and fruits one day. You can start off with one plant (no cactus, put some effort into this) and do some research on how to care for it. You’ll be surprised how much you can learn about plants…
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courtesy of memecenter..com

Keep building your own little garden (if the weather you live in permits). This will give you a daily routine. When my husband is away, I would wake up, take our puppy out to pee, come back in, make coffee, brush my teeth, water the plant, check how it’s doing, and count down the calendar. It will not only give your place life but it will also give you a sense of accomplishment of being able to keep something other than yourself alive.

4. Already have a plant in process? Try a pet (if you can afford or are allowed to have one in your facility). Believe me, these little fur babies WILL keep you busy all day long. You’ll be even busier if you get a puppy! Please refer to my previous post about adopting a puppy. I fucking love my Potato… anyway!  These guys will keep you so busy you won’t have time to be homesick unless you have never taken care of animal by yourself. In that case, you may have a total meltdown from the pressure of having to keep a living, breathing, walking creature alive and if you fail, no one will love you because who would love a puppy killer?…………………………………….

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Moving on =D

Please be certain you have the time, patience, money, and love to care for an animal. Just because you have love for them, doesn’t mean you have the rest of the qualities to care for one.

5. Gym. If all the other tips fail or begin to prove signs that you’re repressing emotions, give this a shot. This was also part of my routine but I am in no means in shape.
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courtesy of pixshark.com

I strictly used the gym to fill up time and keep me occupied. I basically went to pass the time but when I was in there, whether I was running, lifting, or anything else, my mind was focused on what I was doing. I don’t need to lose concentration and get hurt for the security cameras to record and later make fun of me. Nothing is on my mind except what I am doing at that moment and, of course, my breathing.

6. Get a job or join a club. I hate group activities, which is why I put this last.
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courtesy of memecenter.com

If you have a job that keeps you busy, you should be okay. If you don’t have a job and you’re a social butterfly, try joining a club or volunteer your time (for those who can’t afford paying a monthly fee for a club due to no job!). Again, this will keep your mind focused and really force you to be independent.

There you go, if you have made it this far, thank you for reading and thank you for understanding my sarcasm. Being homesick sucks and I still get it time to time but I do all of these things that keep me from going fucking insane.

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