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“Why did you stop?”

In mid November, I had met up with a high school friend, Diandra, and when she asked me, “So, what are you doing in Puerto Rico?!”

I replied,

“Nothing. Just a housewife.”

Catching up just to sit down
I had went back to New Jersey for a few weeks due to hurricane Maria ripping through Puerto Rico. I stayed with my parents and I was able to catch up with some friends, mainly my high school girls, Mimi and Joy. Thankfully, we all live close to each other and decided to meet up and catch up on what has been going on in our lives.

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Old friends

Mimi struggled with anxiety but works hard to not let it run her life. She dished about her amazing job, the comfortable pay, exciting trip she took to Europe last year, and even about a new man in her life. Despite it all, she looked and sounded genuinely happy. Despite her demons, she was able to overcome all of her hardship and find herself on top.

Joy will be getting married in March, she is a registered nurse, and she is still climbing up, focused on actually helping people, and secure her future. After seeing her with someone for over 10 years who, not only mentally abused her, but constantly cheated and actually held her back from her full potential, it was heart warming to know she was able to rise up and realize her self worth.

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Friends

When it was my turn to speak, I was already mentally preparing myself for the same conversation with Diandra and I was ready to recite, once again, “Nothing. Just a housewife.” Instead, these powerful, ambitious, independent women asked:

“Are you still running?”
“What happened to your blog?”
“Why did you stop writing?”
“What about drawing?”

Once I heard these questions, it was as if they were describing this unique, happy, free individual with talent and ambition. Those talents and pastimes just floated in the air to form a person who was full of life, just to be let down and shut out. That wasn’t me or, I guess, it used to be but not anymore. To be honest, they caught me off guard, I was surprised they knew that much about me!

So, why did I stop?
I guess I stopped doing these things because I am afraid of failing. I am afraid my writing has suffered because I haven’t been on top of it. I am afraid of running because I haven’t in so long. I’m afraid of drawing because I don’t feel good enough to do so. I am afraid of updating my blog because I will feel insignificant and whiny. I would be lying if I didn’t think Annie (my anxiety) had something to do with how I am feeling. My anxiety does pull me down but hearing my friends actually care about little things I enjoyed doing gave me the little push I needed.

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My wedding day

I had been away from my friends for so long and have settled for others due to my living situation that I forgot who I was. Of course, I don’t mean I NEED them to get me back on track but to be reminded of the person you once were from the people who actually took notice, does help  me put things into perspective. It’s so easy to meet people but most just want to talk about themselves rather than get to know you and through that, I lost who I was. Yes, this does sound needy but sometimes, you just need real encouragement from friends who know the real you.

Trying is better than not
I am not one of those people who go around shouting “New Year, New Me!” Whenever I say I am going to change something about myself, I never do. In fact, I get overwhelmed by the pressure and end up doing the opposite and stop. What they said stuck with me and slowly I was getting my itch to doodle and write again. I worked on a little doodle D had been asking for, I wrote down some ideas for the blog, and had to buy a new charger to use my laptop. It would be too easy to say I will be updating more often but I would also be lying. I am hoping to keep up and actually do it and that’s all I can say.

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Everything will fall into place

 

 

Don’t be stressed the fuck out

We are moving again and with that comes lots of stress. I’m trying to organize everything with time to spare so I don’t lose my mind. Whenever I do get stressed out and feel like I’m ready to punch something or someone, I try my best to do something else to release that frustration.

Despite my physical appearance, I actually find going to the gym very relaxing. I even went to today to relieve some tension and stress after not going for over a month. I was reluctant at first to cough up the money but after they allowed me to use their gym I had a change a heart. All I needed was less than 5 minutes of cardio to realize this does make me instantly happy and because I focus on my breathing, I don’t think of anything else. Of course, the perfect song playlist also bumps up the energy.

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courtesy of thick-to-thin.com

Speaking of music, sing your little heart out! I don’t know about you but I may not have the best sounding voice but I can belt it out – when I’m alone… and off key. I like to turn off my phone or leave it somewhere on vibrate and just sing along to whatever good song I hear. I’ll YouTube the shit out of lyrics, although you could get lost in YouTube and then end up watching a cyst removal and completely spend the rest of the afternoon being grossed out and intrigued. I made this weird, didn’t I? Anyway, honestly, I think any type of music will help you relieve stress, however, pick the wrong tune and you’ll be stuck overthinking the situation you’re trying to run away from.

Physical activities that do not involve a gym. I have always been attracted to rough sports. I did TaeKwonDo, Muay Thai, and paintball. Trust me, it will keep your distracted from whatever it is you need a break from. You have to concentrate in everything you are doing. In paintball, if you’re  not focused, you are going to get shot and that shit HURTS. Wanna know what happens when you’re not concentrating in martial arts?
bruise

Thinking of something else and not your target in paintball?
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Shit is no joke. I have a high tolerance for physical pain and I got an intense adrenaline rush when I was running from point A to point B with my paintball gun. The only difference between martial arts and paintball is in martial arts, you are focusing on your form and how you are performing with kicks, punches, kneeing etc. In paintball, you’re on a team so the pressure is on. You can’t be thinking about what happened prior while you are on the field. The outcome are both the same, though: You get a hit in & it feels amazing.

As I write this, I am also comfortable saying writing is also an outlet. Fellow bloggers, I hope you know what I mean. I can always depend on writing to take out my frustration. I can sit down and start writing away, delete what I didn’t like, not worried about who will see it, etc. It’s like turning on a faucet, the words and the emotions just flow out and like the sound of running water, it’s relaxing for me. I’ve been writing on blogs, my college newspaper,  HelloGiggles, journals since I was 11 years old and it’s always been something I’ve been committed to. Just because I don’t update as often as I should, doesn’t mean I’m not writing in general. It’s something that comes natural to me whether it’s feeling my fingertips push on a keyboard or feeling a pen in between my fingers, it’s a calming sensation.

Finding something that calms you is hard, especially if you don’t have hobbies but don’t let that discourage you. Try different things and activities to figure out what eases your nerves. Walking a dog could help, too. I like to walk Potato and leave my phone behind so I just enjoy the outside noise and watch Potato lose her mind. Whatever floats your boat but I would highly recommend the activities I have done and still do 🙂 😀

STEAMPUNK MUSIC: Walter Sickert & the Army of Broken Toys

Halloween came and went! I would post the finished Cubone cosplay I was working on but it’s pretty much similar to the previous post. I just sported tan and brown colors so there wasn’t much of a difference. I wasn’t a big fan either because I always do a cosplay then change my mind but with the support of the husband, I ended up wearing it to Salem, MA. EVERYONE kept saying how Salem is worse than NYC on Halloween. I beg to differ. NYC was A LOT more crowded but Salem was fun. Of course, we did arrive after the parade finished so maybe that’s why it wasn’t as big and crowded as I expected it to be.

Anyhoo! For those who know my husband will know he is not a huge music person. I love going to shows and concerts and he would rather go to conventions and bookstores. Conventions and bookstores are great but I will always push for a concert than a bookstore. To my surprise, he actually wanted to go to a show Sunday. The band playing was Walter Sickert & the Army of Broken Toys. Now, if you’re a steampunk fan, you may know of them, if you’re not, you may very well not have never heard them. We went to see them at Cuisine En Locale which is located in Somerville, MA. Now, in my previous post, I explained the terrible, horrible experience I suffered through at this place so this post will be just about the actual show I saw Sunday.

While we sat at our table, I noticed a man with a VERY LARGE feathery headpiece on. He was the lead singer, Walter. I thought to myself, “okay, this is going to be something new.” I remember hearing their music on CD and thought they weren’t that bad. Not my cup of tea in music genre but it was interesting. I try to keep my mind open to different music… no matter how bizarre it may appear and this my friends… was very… bizarre. Funny thing about the mysterious man in the towering of a headpiece was that it worked. It left an impression on me and I will never encounter another show where the lead vocalist has something like that on. Rob Zombie doesn’t count. I could not tell you the set list they played because I was not prepared to take notes. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d want to write about them but, now looking back, I wish I had taken notes. The band performed in this small restaurant setting that made the show very intimate. To me, they were pretty amazing, sounded exactly like their CD. To my husband, he did catch their change of lyrics (there were children so they had to PG their lyrics) and a slightly out of tune instrument, nevertheless, he enjoyed the show.

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Courtesy of their Facebook page

Their sound was so unique and so different. By looking at them, you can tell they have fun at their shows. They aren’t trying to impress anyone, frankly, I don’t think they really give a shit. They didn’t care what new people (such as myself) thought of them, they knew they were surrounded by loyal fans who dragged their kids to see them play. More praise to them! Besides the singer, their ukulele player, Jojo, was a memorable character. She was tiny and cute as a button. She actually reminded me A LOT of Bob’s Burger’s Louis. Jojo looked and sounded like her. She was missing the bunny ears… so fucking cute.

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Thanks Google!

All in all, their music is something you don’t hear every day but that is the beauty of it. It’s refreshing to hear new music that isn’t mainstream… You hear that, hipsters?! Get on this bandwagon. Their performance was enough to ALMOST let me forget about losing my wedding and engagement rings. I wouldn’t mind seeing them again 🙂

I leave you with one of the songs I actually do enjoy. This one is called Pornival. Enjoy 🙂

Special!

Okay my non-existing followers; this will be a regular post rather than a news post. Let’s be honest here, half my posts are not news worthy but it’s my blog so you can suck it! I can write what I want! I decided to just write about random facts about myself to give any new and hopeful reader an idea of who I am.

  1. Let’s start with why I like writing.
    I actually did not realize I liked writing until I hit my second year of college. When I was younger I enjoyed drawing. I was a fan of all art: dancing, singing, writing, drawing, and acting. I liked all the traits that most people cannot simply survive off of. With that being said, I tried majoring in theatre and then succumbed to my stage fright. I am actually incredibly shy but I try not to show it. I thought I wanted to be a social worker but that was boring. Writing came once I took my English classes in college and my adviser pushed me to get involved with the schools newspaper (The Gothic Times) and that was where I started to take my writing more seriously and ended up becoming Editor in Chief.
  2. I do not like coffee.
    I don’t know why but I hate coffee. I will gladly take a Dunkin Donut’s Coffee Coolata or a Burger King’s iced French vanilla coffee but I will want as much sugar and cream to die out the coffee flavor. Even now, as I write this I am sipping on coffee that I drowned with creamer.
  3. I’m rather short and baby faced.
    I proudly stand at 4’11 and have a baby face. I normally always wear make up but recently I have been lazy and not been applying eye liner. My eyes look bigger and my cheeks are chipmunk cheeks. I have fun by hiding food in there for later. I have a thing about eating a lot of food by myself in short periods of time.
  4. I recently moved in with my boyfriend.
    When I mean recently, I mean last September. It’s been a trip. I have thrown in the towel with the toilet seat. That seat will never stay down but it’s okay because I leave my strands of hair in the tub for him. It’s a gift!
  5. I am an amazing cook!
    Thank God for my mother and her old fashion Spanish ways. If she had not beaten me to learn how to make rice at age 11, I would have STARVED in college! I do not make tacos. I am the only Latin girl in the world who does not enjoy making tacos nor do I enjoy the eating them.
  6. I have a strong love for the furry children.
    I love animals. I will go out of my way to save and rescue an animal because I rescue a human. I donated to the ASPCA! I have two dogs myself: a German Shepherd named Jack Daniels and a German Shep/Rottie mix named Whiskey. My father named them. They are awesome fucking names. I love them! Whiskey constantly smells like Doritos so I am convinced he has a stash hidden somewhere and eats them when no one is looking… that’s probably why he’s so fat.
  7. Jenna Marbles is Youtube’s Goddess!
    I am obsessed with her. She is this magical comedian who comes down the beanstalk every week to fart out her special wisdom. I watch her religiously and she is actually my motivation to blog. When I feel discouraged or lazy, she pushes me to do it J So, thanks Jenna, your fellow landshark looks up to you.

And that is all I can think of to say!

 

derp.

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