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“Why did you stop?”

In mid November, I had met up with a high school friend, Diandra, and when she asked me, “So, what are you doing in Puerto Rico?!”

I replied,

“Nothing. Just a housewife.”

Catching up just to sit down
I had went back to New Jersey for a few weeks due to hurricane Maria ripping through Puerto Rico. I stayed with my parents and I was able to catch up with some friends, mainly my high school girls, Mimi and Joy. Thankfully, we all live close to each other and decided to meet up and catch up on what has been going on in our lives.

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Old friends

Mimi struggled with anxiety but works hard to not let it run her life. She dished about her amazing job, the comfortable pay, exciting trip she took to Europe last year, and even about a new man in her life. Despite it all, she looked and sounded genuinely happy. Despite her demons, she was able to overcome all of her hardship and find herself on top.

Joy will be getting married in March, she is a registered nurse, and she is still climbing up, focused on actually helping people, and secure her future. After seeing her with someone for over 10 years who, not only mentally abused her, but constantly cheated and actually held her back from her full potential, it was heart warming to know she was able to rise up and realize her self worth.

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Friends

When it was my turn to speak, I was already mentally preparing myself for the same conversation with Diandra and I was ready to recite, once again, “Nothing. Just a housewife.” Instead, these powerful, ambitious, independent women asked:

“Are you still running?”
“What happened to your blog?”
“Why did you stop writing?”
“What about drawing?”

Once I heard these questions, it was as if they were describing this unique, happy, free individual with talent and ambition. Those talents and pastimes just floated in the air to form a person who was full of life, just to be let down and shut out. That wasn’t me or, I guess, it used to be but not anymore. To be honest, they caught me off guard, I was surprised they knew that much about me!

So, why did I stop?
I guess I stopped doing these things because I am afraid of failing. I am afraid my writing has suffered because I haven’t been on top of it. I am afraid of running because I haven’t in so long. I’m afraid of drawing because I don’t feel good enough to do so. I am afraid of updating my blog because I will feel insignificant and whiny. I would be lying if I didn’t think Annie (my anxiety) had something to do with how I am feeling. My anxiety does pull me down but hearing my friends actually care about little things I enjoyed doing gave me the little push I needed.

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My wedding day

I had been away from my friends for so long and have settled for others due to my living situation that I forgot who I was. Of course, I don’t mean I NEED them to get me back on track but to be reminded of the person you once were from the people who actually took notice, does help  me put things into perspective. It’s so easy to meet people but most just want to talk about themselves rather than get to know you and through that, I lost who I was. Yes, this does sound needy but sometimes, you just need real encouragement from friends who know the real you.

Trying is better than not
I am not one of those people who go around shouting “New Year, New Me!” Whenever I say I am going to change something about myself, I never do. In fact, I get overwhelmed by the pressure and end up doing the opposite and stop. What they said stuck with me and slowly I was getting my itch to doodle and write again. I worked on a little doodle D had been asking for, I wrote down some ideas for the blog, and had to buy a new charger to use my laptop. It would be too easy to say I will be updating more often but I would also be lying. I am hoping to keep up and actually do it and that’s all I can say.

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Everything will fall into place

 

 

Women Period Shaming – Shame On You!

A few days ago I stumbled upon an article on the Huffington Post . Kiran Gandhi had trained for a year to race in a marathon that I believe was to raise awareness to breast cancer. I started this post over a week ago and I am glad I held back from posting so I could do some research on this. In the beginning, I wanted to rant and say that no one cares that a girl has her period but then I realized, I was being naive.

Courtesy of HollywoodLife.com
Courtesy of HollywoodLife.com

Kiran wanted to raise awareness on period shaming and let people know that there are other women in less fortunate countries that do not have easy access to tampons and pads. I do feel like her doing this took away from the actual breast cancer awareness she was running in the first place but in a ironic way, she was genius for what she did.

In my opinion, this generation has gotten over the period scandal and stopped seeing it as dirty. I was wrong. My favorite YouTuber Jenna Marbles refuses to make a video poking fun at periods b/c she thinks it’s disgusting. I also read comments about the Kiran article and was shocked to discover women shaming her. They were shaming her because she had the nerve to run and show her period. Are you fucking kidding me? This isn’t Carrie! I can understand men acting obliviously hypocritical: I don’t trust anything that bleeds for 7 days… but I’ll fuck as many as possible & love the child that comes out of there.

Courtesy of thefemmenistlens.com
Courtesy of thefemmenistlens.worpress.com

But for women to dare shame any other woman for her period? THAT is disgusting and you are what’s wrong with the world.

I couldn’t believe how many women were commenting, “Ew! Period blood is disgusting! No one needs to know she’s on the rag! She is so gross for bleeding!” I don’t think they realized Kiran did that to POINT THESE WOMEN OUT FOR THEIR PERIOD SHAMING! So when a 12 year old girl gets her period in class for the first time, it’s okay to shame her and say, “Ew! Period blood is disgusting! No one needs to know she’s on the rag! She is so gross for bleeding!” Her point literally went over what she was trying to prove and what’s worse, when I tried explaining it to them, THEY STILL DIDN’T GET IT. Grow up, people. It’s 2015, we shouldn’t shame other women for going through a natural cycle. We have crazy women carrying out a pee stick to prove to their baby daddies that they are pregnant but bleeding every month is gross?  GTFO.

Courtesy of MetalInjection.net
Courtesy of MetalInjection.net

P.S.

My dad always bought the correct pads for me when I was younger. I asked my mom one time and she got me the wrong ones. My dad was on point. Shout out to my dad, you da real MVP, Pops!

Don’t be stressed the fuck out

We are moving again and with that comes lots of stress. I’m trying to organize everything with time to spare so I don’t lose my mind. Whenever I do get stressed out and feel like I’m ready to punch something or someone, I try my best to do something else to release that frustration.

Despite my physical appearance, I actually find going to the gym very relaxing. I even went to today to relieve some tension and stress after not going for over a month. I was reluctant at first to cough up the money but after they allowed me to use their gym I had a change a heart. All I needed was less than 5 minutes of cardio to realize this does make me instantly happy and because I focus on my breathing, I don’t think of anything else. Of course, the perfect song playlist also bumps up the energy.

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courtesy of thick-to-thin.com

Speaking of music, sing your little heart out! I don’t know about you but I may not have the best sounding voice but I can belt it out – when I’m alone… and off key. I like to turn off my phone or leave it somewhere on vibrate and just sing along to whatever good song I hear. I’ll YouTube the shit out of lyrics, although you could get lost in YouTube and then end up watching a cyst removal and completely spend the rest of the afternoon being grossed out and intrigued. I made this weird, didn’t I? Anyway, honestly, I think any type of music will help you relieve stress, however, pick the wrong tune and you’ll be stuck overthinking the situation you’re trying to run away from.

Physical activities that do not involve a gym. I have always been attracted to rough sports. I did TaeKwonDo, Muay Thai, and paintball. Trust me, it will keep your distracted from whatever it is you need a break from. You have to concentrate in everything you are doing. In paintball, if you’re  not focused, you are going to get shot and that shit HURTS. Wanna know what happens when you’re not concentrating in martial arts?
bruise

Thinking of something else and not your target in paintball?
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Shit is no joke. I have a high tolerance for physical pain and I got an intense adrenaline rush when I was running from point A to point B with my paintball gun. The only difference between martial arts and paintball is in martial arts, you are focusing on your form and how you are performing with kicks, punches, kneeing etc. In paintball, you’re on a team so the pressure is on. You can’t be thinking about what happened prior while you are on the field. The outcome are both the same, though: You get a hit in & it feels amazing.

As I write this, I am also comfortable saying writing is also an outlet. Fellow bloggers, I hope you know what I mean. I can always depend on writing to take out my frustration. I can sit down and start writing away, delete what I didn’t like, not worried about who will see it, etc. It’s like turning on a faucet, the words and the emotions just flow out and like the sound of running water, it’s relaxing for me. I’ve been writing on blogs, my college newspaper,  HelloGiggles, journals since I was 11 years old and it’s always been something I’ve been committed to. Just because I don’t update as often as I should, doesn’t mean I’m not writing in general. It’s something that comes natural to me whether it’s feeling my fingertips push on a keyboard or feeling a pen in between my fingers, it’s a calming sensation.

Finding something that calms you is hard, especially if you don’t have hobbies but don’t let that discourage you. Try different things and activities to figure out what eases your nerves. Walking a dog could help, too. I like to walk Potato and leave my phone behind so I just enjoy the outside noise and watch Potato lose her mind. Whatever floats your boat but I would highly recommend the activities I have done and still do 🙂 😀

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