If you read my last post you’d remember how I said I’d never want a sister. It’s true but for good reasons. I’d hate an older sister simply because I know it would be competition. There are already favorites in our family. My brother is a momma’s boy, he can do no wrong in under my mom’s eyes and, naturally, I am a daddy’s girl. My dad would NEVER yell at me and even when he’s frustrated or upset, he still calls me “mija” o “mijita” 😀 If I had an older sister, I’d hate her. I’d have to live up to her standards. Now, a little sister is just scary. I can’t stand little teenagers now.

When I was visiting my parents a few months ago, my mom and I went to Dunkin Donuts. We decided to just sit at a table as we enjoyed our coffees. Behind us was a table of 7 or 8 annoying high school girls, actually, wait, no, they were mainly 11 year olds and one 12 year old. How do I know this? Because in the chaos of them screaming non sense (they were at the same table, inches apart…) to each other, one girl shouted, “I’m not 11! I’m 12! I’m older than all of you!” They were on their phones, tablets, just passing time and being obnoxiously loud. I was telling my mom, “I cannot believe how annoying they are,” to which she replied, “You were like that, too.”

LEMUR
courtesy of knowyourmeme.com

Yes, I was loud back then, give me half a six pack & I’ll channel my inner 12 year old all over again but I was, under no circumstances, like that. At 11 or 12 years old, FUCK NO WAS I ALLOWED TO HANG OUT AT A FUCKING DUNKIN DONUTS AFTER SCHOOL! No, I didn’t have a cell phone. No, I was not allowed to hang out with friends. I was to get my ass the fuck home. My shit school let out at 2:15, I had better been home by 2:40 because my school was down the block from me. Not only that, I was to call and report in with my aunt or my mom would call the house to make sure I made it safely home. GOD FORBID, I didn’t answer that call. She’d spam call the house line until I answered and then the 20 question game commenced. “Where were you?” “Why didn’t you answer?” “You went to the bathroom? What did you do in there?” “Why did it take you long to pick up?”

My mom’s biggest fear was me getting knocked up young (joke’s on you, mom. I’m pushing 30 and you may never have a grandchild from me!). Sex wasn’t thrown at kids my age at that time. Sure, when I was in 7th grade, the 8th girls were always making out, letting boys touch their bits, and they were sure as hell proud of it. I can’t imagine how proud their parents must have felt, too!

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courtesy of knowyourmeme.com

Now, sex is everywhere!

Everyone knows I have a very big potty mouth. I rarely use censorship when I speak or make jokes. Most of my jokes are raunchy. My husband rarely swears. I get my period more often than he uses foul language. I do take it down a few notches when I’m around a younger audience (or around my in laws, of course). I had went to visit one of my cousins at some point (I rather keep this story vague to protect my cousin’s identity and from her parents killing her) and she had to have been around 15 years old. First day she asked about my birth control pills which snowballed later on into the “sex” conversation. What exactly do you tell a 15 year old?

I didn’t know what to do. I had not come prepared for this. In my mind she was either going to be in that state of mind where her V card was long gone or still interested in My Little Ponies, or whatever girls are into at this age now. I was not prepared to answer these questions. I didn’t want to lie to her but I also didn’t want to tell her the generic answers that don’t really answer her questions. When I was younger, I was told the basics: “Your virginity is a gift,” “You’re going to bleed a LOT,” “It’s the most precious thing you have,” “Wait until you’re married,” “It is going to hurt REALLY bad.”

KNOWYOURMEME
courtesy of knowyourmeme.com

No one said, “It feels really good after the second time,” “Your emotions are going to go haywire,” “You may think you love him, but you won’t,” “You might not bleed,” “The semen is going to end up on your hair… that’s on top of your head.” How the fuck do you explain this to a 15 year old without traumatizing her?! So, I laid it down as gently as I could…SAID NO MAN, EVER!
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courtesy of knowyourmeme.com

“It might hurt,” “You might bleed,” “Make sure you’re ready,” “You’ll know when it’s time,” “You don’t have to wait for marriage.” I gave this kid the vaguest answers and I’d like to think I was pretty useless. I barely remember what my answers were exactly. It was kind of like one of those moments where you’re a deer caught in headlights and everything just moved really, really fast that you didn’t have time to process what the fuck went on… kind of like losing your virginity, actually lol Considering everything I had learned about my cousin, she really is a good kid and had a good head on her shoulders. She wasn’t going boy crazy, she conducted herself very well, I actually enjoyed hanging out with her because she simply was not annoying.

Truth is, it’s good I’m not a big sister because I’d be too terrified to have “the talk” with her. Although, I didn’t have older sisters, my brother had some girlfriends who I would confide in and ask them questions. Had I had a younger sister, I would have been scared she’d start sex way too early. At this age and time, kids as young as 4 have access to tablets. Now, I understand some parents may use those “Children friendly” blocks but this doesn’t stop them from seeing it in other people’s tablets, phones, laptops, etc. Kids aren’t even learning about sex at school anymore and what’s worse, you don’t see condom usage in movies, magazines, or even in most porn. Don’t get me started on porn! If kids are watching porn to “learn” about sex, they are so screwed because now, they will have unrealistic expectations on the opposite sex!

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Anyway, when you think about it, if they are learning about sex through movies, social media, and electronics, they aren’t being taught about birth control methods or STD prevention. Remember that steamy Mr. & Mrs. Smith fight scene that led to sex? Did you see condoms? No. What about The Jersey Shore, condoms? No (The only time I think condom usage was mentioned was when Mike had gotten oral sex from some random girl and FOUGHT his argument how he didn’t need a condom for that because “you can’t catch an STD through head”…). What about other rated 14 shows? Where sex is suggested? Condoms don’t really have any air time so this this can show kids how to LEAD UP TO SEX and just be completely unaware of safe sex part.

Parents should just be totally honest to both their daughters and sons. Tell them the good and bad, don’t sugar coat it to spare YOUR fears, they need to know about everything that will happen. I don’t believe shoving abstinence down their throats will be a good idea. I have met people who were taught abstinence and when they finally had (underage) sex believed they had gotten pregnant because 1. No condom and 2. A penis was inserted for 2 minutes (the guy didn’t finish at all). They really believed pregnancy happened the moment a penis touched the vag. Their parents had to meet and it was a total mess.

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courtesy of politeconversation.com
Yes, because this is healthy… obviously (please, note the sarcasm).

I think the best time for girls to learn about sex ed would be when they start their first period. Boys? I have no fucking clue. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a 28 year old with no kids…

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