Hello my little buttercups! September 15 marked my one year anniversary and, boy, have I learned a lot! People always tell me two things: The first year is always the hardest or the first year is always the easiest. Now, I think because we spent the majority of our first year apart (Thanks U.S.C.G! hmph!), we grew closer and our love for each other really blossomed. That is not to say I don’t know what I am talking about when it comes to marriage because when he was home, I had a role to play. Here is what I have learned in my first year of marriage!
- You can’t change someone but you can improve them
My husband cannot clean a dish to save his life but if I need him to run to the store and buy me tampons, you better believe he will come back with Playtex Sport Super & Regular Unscented. He also enjoys collecting old things. Whether or not they work is irrelevant, he just likes old things. Right before we moved, I was able to convince him to either throw away or donate items he hadn’t touched or will never use. I would say I “changed” him but then he brought home this
A 76mm shell -.-. I am not allowed to toss it because he got his shipmates to sign them. Tricky bastard.
- Your spouse will become your best friend
When we just moved from NJ to MA, we had to stay at a military hotel then when he finally got us our apartment, we had no cable or internet. From that moment on, we developed a very comfortable way of spending time together. We would talk about politics, religion, comedy, nature, pretty much anything and everything and we got in deep! If we were upset over something, we would go to each other. We would depend on the other to lift our spirits. We learned how to have fun with each other and not take ourselves too seriously.
- It’s good to have your own hobbies
My hubby loves his online gaming. If he’s not online gaming, he’s at the comic book store, hiking with our Potato, or whatever the hell he did in his side of the apartment. When he was doing any of these, I would have to be doing something to entertain myself. I like cooking, working on cosplays, writing, dreaming of being a Suicide Girl (I do the last one when he’s not around). It’s good to have your own thing and it took me months to figure out my hobbies.
- Not everyone will agree with your lifestyle
Call me old fashion but I like catering to him at his every whim. I do it so often that even he had to stop me and remind me that he’s “no king.” But the two things he failed to realize was 1) I was raised to always cater to my husband and 2) I treat him like a king because he treats me like a queen. I enjoy cooking for him, cleaning up after him, rubbing his back, scratching his head, doing his laundry, I love all that shit and I know he appreciates it.
- He is your husband, not your boyfriend
If we had a fight, I couldn’t just walk out, erase his number, and move on. I couldn’t hang up the phone and ignore him for days. We saw each other every day, every night (when he wasn’t always). He wasn’t a boyfriend I could dump whenever he pissed me off. We had to work through things or agree to disagree. There were times we both didn’t say a word to each other and stayed in opposite sides of the apartment but it was best because it gave us time to cool off.
- You can say ‘No’
“Wanna have sex?”
- Co-dependency is a slippery slope
I admit it, I became co-dependent on him sometimes. ‘Christian, can you drive,’ ‘Christian, can you pick up food,’ ‘Christian, can you come with me here, here, and here?’ But when he was away, holy hell, did I had to become independent FAST. This is when I also learned I had my own hobbies as well. When he came back, we naturally enjoyed hanging out with each other, especially since we didn’t know anyone else who lived close by to hang out with.
- Don’t hold on to arguments
No one enjoys giving in to fights or admitting they are wrong but sometimes, you just have to do it, not just to keep the peace but because it’s good to forgive. I often try to keep from saying hurtful things but if I do happen to slip, I know when I have to apologize and make it right. His way of forgiving and moving on is tackling me down, tickling me, and smothering me with kisses while I thrash around like a cat wrapped up in a towel fighting off love.
- You will come to terms with each other’s habits
He likes to groom himself and keep his uni-brow under control while I spot treat blemishes throughout the night and take forever washing my hair. These are just part of ourselves that we never really shared with other people because, well, we’ve never lived with anyone else to this capacity before. One thing I have to say is, THANK GOODNESS for two bathrooms!
- You should have two rooms
Speaking of multiple rooms, as much as I love and adore my husband, it was great to have our bedroom and his man cave. Of course, we had the common areas which were the kitchen and living room but having that second room just for him and his things really worked well for us. Before we lived in this spacious apartment, we lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment which was cluttered in mainly his old man things. Two bedrooms were accommodating because it gave both of us a chance to spend time apart so he could play his on line games in peace while I watched my guilty pleasure, Love & HipHop. Plus, when we were in a “I’m not speaking to you” mood, we had our separate corners to hide in.
- Remember, you’re married now
It took some adjusting but sometimes we had to remind ourselves – or each other – we are now married, so certain things needed to change. I could no longer have guys texting me throughout the night because it was disrespectful to my husband. This wasn’t his choice, this was my personal choice because I wouldn’t like any of his skanky fan club members to hit him up in the evening either. He also had to learn certain things were not kosher to say to other women because how it could be taken out of context.
You da man, my love!
If you’ve been married longer than a year, what have you learned? Please, Like, Share, & Comment below! 😀