Search

Sic Ally

This is how you adult, right?

Tag

love

My lonely Valentines

Military spouses are no strangers to being alone on important holidays and I can understand why they would dread spending today alone. After all, you are surrounded by pink and red colors, the word “love” splashed everywhere, and happy couples while you only have Netflix to depend on.

7070882d7a5849ec187494263ce828c8--valentines-day-funny-valentine-memes
Yes.

Where did this sappy holiday come from?
Lemme school you on where this joyous holiday came from. St. Valentine was a Christian priest who literally died for love. He found it unfair for Emperor Claudius II to ban engagements and weddings for the sake of having more soldiers. Claudius was pretty much a dick because he got into so many wars that he was running out of soldiers and lovers did not want to leave their families to fight Claudius’ battles. On top of being a fan of war, he didn’t really treat his people fairly so it is understandable why no one wanted to fight for him anymore. St. Valentine was not having any of Claudius’ shit and believed love should never be banned or prohibited (are you listening, you Judgey Judies?), so, he secretly began marrying couples. When he was outed, he was sent to prison and was put to death but not before confessing his love to a blind girl. How did he do this? No, not with a pen, but with ink squeezed from violets. That’s right, he wrote her a sonnet composed of ink squeezed from violets. Sadly, he was still put to death the next day. Valentine’s day is celebrated on February 14 because it is believed lovebirds, doves, and owls began to mate that day after the Catholic Church granted him Sainthood.

Now that you know the history of why we celebrate this day, I can admit that I’ve never been one to celebrate this holiday. After learning about the saint, I can absolutely respect the day and the man but I just don’t expect my husband to give me gifts because it’s just another day. Plus it has become sooo commercialized, I mean, c’mon, before you read this, did you know who Saint Valentine was and why he is honored? No, because HE isn’t honored, per se, the action of love, what he died for, is celebrated. With that being said, does it change your perspective on today?

Still a V-day Grinch? Celebrate the other “holidays” that are on February 14!
This love and sex filled date is also shared with Library Lovers’ Day (Australia), International Book Giving day, National Cream Filled Chocolate day, and Quirkyalone Day. No one said you couldn’t acknowledge any other event going on in the world so here are a few things you can try and do today besides wallow in your emotions.

  1. Be a fun parent if your spouse is deployed. Have the kids make some sort of arts and craft gift for their parent so when they do come back, they’ll have piles of cards and gifts. Plus, it’ll keep the kids busy and your mind occupied.
  2. Love isn’t just for marriages and relationships. Go visit a children’s hospital, bring them Valentine Cards or even little snacks. They can always use new visitors and it’ll be a nice feeling for them to be acknowledged by someone besides their parents.
  3. Pamper yourself. This doesn’t just go for women, I’m sure there are “Me” things husbands can do to make themselves feel good. Ladies, get dolled up for yourselves, make yourselves a HAPPY dinner, not a sad, woo is me, dinner-for-one meals.
  4. While you’re all sexified, take a few pictures or even videos for your boo thing and send them to their phone or have a photo shoot printed out so when they return home, they have an extra goodie.
  5. Buy cream filled chocolates! You don’t have to share with ANYONE!
  6. Don’t be bitter. Just because your spouse is away absolutely does not give you a free bitter card. Don’t be jealous or say the famous “Must be nice…” phrase to other couples. You don’t know how many other meaningful days they had to spend away from each other nor do you know their struggles. Don’t rain on their parade.

    Remember-all-Valentine-Day-candy-goes-sale-next-day
    Don’t be shitty.
  7. If you’re a military spouse, invite some other spouses whose S/O are away. Bring out the board games, snacks, PJ’s, or dress up! Something lively so you don’t end the night on a sad, tearful note.
  8. Do what YOU want to do. Reread an amazing book or watch trashy TV. Dive into something you love to indulge in that you normally wouldn’t be able to do with your spouse around (*ahem* KUWTK).

psst-happy-valentines-day-meme

What I Have Learned In My First Year Of Marriage

Hello my little buttercups! September 15 marked my one year anniversary and, boy, have I learned a lot! People always tell me two things: The first year is always the hardest or the first year is always the easiest. Now, I think because we spent the majority of our first year apart (Thanks U.S.C.G! hmph!), we grew closer and our love for each other really blossomed. That is not to say I don’t know what I am talking about when it comes to marriage because when he was home, I had a role to play. Here is what I have learned in my first year of marriage!

  1. You can’t change someone but you can improve them
    My husband cannot clean a dish to save his life but if I need him to run to the store and buy me tampons, you better believe he will come back with Playtex Sport Super & Regular Unscented. He also enjoys collecting old things. Whether or not they work is irrelevant, he just likes old things. Right before we moved, I was able to convince him to either throw away or donate items he hadn’t touched or will never use. I would say I “changed” him but then he brought home this
    12002213_1003614959688889_30605349821165445_n
    A 76mm shell -.-. I am not allowed to toss it because he got his shipmates to sign them. Tricky bastard.
  2. Your spouse will become your best friend
    When we just moved from NJ to MA, we had to stay at a military hotel then when he finally got us our apartment, we had no cable or internet. From that moment on, we developed a very comfortable way of spending time together. We would talk about politics, religion, comedy, nature, pretty much anything and everything and we got in deep! If we were upset over something, we would go to each other. We would depend on the other to lift our spirits. We learned how to have fun with each other and not take ourselves too seriously.
  3. It’s good to have your own hobbies
    My hubby loves his online gaming. If he’s not online gaming, he’s at the comic book store, hiking with our Potato, or whatever the hell he did in his side of the apartment. When he was doing any of these, I would have to be doing something to entertain myself. I like cooking, working on cosplays, writing, dreaming of being a Suicide Girl (I do the last one when he’s not around). It’s good to have your own thing and it took me months to figure out my hobbies.
  4. Not everyone will agree with your lifestyle
    Call me old fashion but I like catering to him at his every whim. I do it so often that even he had to stop me and remind me that he’s “no king.” But the two things he failed to realize was 1) I was raised to always cater to my husband and 2) I treat him like a king because he treats me like a queen. I enjoy cooking for him, cleaning up after him, rubbing his back, scratching his head, doing his laundry, I love all that shit and I know he appreciates it.
  5. He is your husband, not your boyfriend
    If we had a fight, I couldn’t  just walk out, erase his number, and move on. I couldn’t hang up the phone and ignore him for days. We saw each other every day, every night (when he wasn’t always). He wasn’t a boyfriend I could dump whenever he pissed me off. We had to work through things or agree to disagree. There were times we both didn’t say a word to each other and stayed in opposite sides of the apartment but it was best because it gave us time to cool off.
  6. You can say ‘No’
    “Wanna have sex?”
    “No.”
    “Ok.”
    😦
  7. Co-dependency is a slippery slope
    I admit it, I became co-dependent on him sometimes. ‘Christian, can you drive,’ ‘Christian, can you pick up food,’ ‘Christian, can you come with me here, here, and here?’ But when he was away, holy hell, did I had to become independent FAST. This is when I also learned I had my own hobbies as well. When he came back, we naturally enjoyed hanging out with each other, especially since we didn’t know anyone else who lived close by to hang out with.
  8. Don’t hold on to arguments
    No one enjoys giving in to fights or admitting they are wrong but sometimes, you just have to do it, not just to keep the peace but because it’s good to forgive. I often try to keep from saying hurtful things but if I do happen to slip, I know when I have to apologize and make it right. His way of forgiving and moving on is tackling me down, tickling me, and smothering me with kisses while I thrash around like a cat wrapped up in a towel fighting off love.
  9. You will come to terms with each other’s habits
    He likes to groom himself and keep his uni-brow under control while I spot treat blemishes throughout the night and take forever washing my hair. These are just part of ourselves that we never really shared with other people because, well, we’ve never lived with anyone else to this capacity before. One thing I have to say is, THANK GOODNESS for two bathrooms!
  10. You should have two rooms
    Speaking of multiple rooms, as much as I love and adore my husband, it was great to have our bedroom and his man cave. Of course, we had the common areas which were the kitchen and living room but having that second room just for him and his things really worked well for us. Before we lived in this spacious apartment, we lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment which was cluttered in mainly his old man things. Two bedrooms were accommodating because it gave both of us a chance to spend time apart so he could play his on line games in peace while I watched my guilty pleasure, Love & HipHop. Plus, when we were in a “I’m not speaking to you” mood, we had our separate corners to hide in.
  11. Remember, you’re married now
    It took some adjusting but sometimes we had to remind ourselves – or each other – we are now married, so certain things needed to change. I could no longer have guys texting me throughout the night because it was disrespectful to my husband. This wasn’t his choice, this was my personal choice because I wouldn’t like any of his skanky fan club members to hit him up in the evening either. He also had to learn certain things were not kosher to say to other women because how it could be taken out of context.

You da man, my love!

12038556_1006003326116719_1631760684507308172_n

If you’ve been married longer than a year, what have you learned? Please, Like, Share, & Comment below! 😀

The familiar butterflies

I have lost count the times I’ve gone to see my husband – to pick him up after a deployment or to see him at a port call. What I can always, always count on is the gut feeling I get. I get these butterflies. These butterflies are strong enough to pick my stomach up and flip it over but they are somehow light enough to flutter around their paper wings and give me a tickle that sends my breakfast on a fast track up my esophagus. My heart begins to pound as every second that passes while I’m behind the wheel knowing I am about to see my brave coastie. I’m checking my make up at any reflection just to recheck it 5 minutes later. You’d think I’d be one of those annoying high school girls who thrive on their looks.

September was the first time I got those butterflies. I was going to see him graduate bootcamp and he never looked more handsome. His jaw line never looked so squared but his 5 o’clock shadow at 11:00am never scratched more. I was intoxicated with pride. Then, before I knew it, I was picking him up from deployments every few months or catching him at a port call. I was drunk with fear. Almost a year later and those butterflies still work their magic and they have now become part of my routine of getting ready. When I’m done styling my hair, applying my winged eye liner, checking my constant low tire pressure, I take one deep breath in and I inhale the butterflies.

Maybe we still are in the “honeymoon” stage, maybe the distance does make the heart grow fonder, or maybe we are lucky. Whatever it is, both of us are happy to be in this bliss of love. I don’t know if he feels it (maybe he does, but that may just be the sea waves pushing and pulling him back and forth. Some people call it being “sea sick”!) but it’s a feeling I both love and hate. The only thing that makes these pesky butterflies go away is when he is finally in my sight. Once I see him the butterflies all gather around my heart and paper mache it. Every step he makes towards me, my heart grows and pounds harder. Then, when we finally embrace, my heart explodes with joy, sending those butterflies out like shards from a grenade.I can finally breathe knowing Christian is “Safe & Sound”. I can breathe without choking on air knowing he is back with me. I can breathe because I have my air back.

Listen to each other like it’s the last time you can hear. Laugh with each other like it’s the last time you’ll breathe. Love each other like they’ll be gone tomorrow.

live_every_day_like_he_deploys_tomorrow
courtesy of PageCovers.com

In case you’ve missed it!

Here is the link of my previously published article on HelloGiggles about my Potato. You may not find it on my blog so here is the link 🙂

7 Truths I learned When I Adopted a Puppy

potato

A Quick Pace Down Memory Lane.

I’ve spent about 2 and half weeks trying to write about two exes. It is the most miserable tasks. EVER. Seriously. I have to finish them because I’ve already started and they are almost half way finished… or mostly finished… insert obvious relationship ending joke that I can’t come up with this early in the morning. I’ve been avoiding finishing them because I have to dig deep and I mean deep to to avoid making one sound like a push over and the other a sadistic monster. One of them does deserve the title, though. I’ll let you decide which one that is.

Leelah’s Note

Sometime last week I was cruising around Facebook and instead of focusing on the new cat videos and dogs dressed in Holiday clothes, a news’ link caught my attention. Because I support all gays and every part of that lifestyle, I follow LGBT News. The story that captured my attention was Leelah Alcorns’. In a nutshell, she was a transgendered teen who knew was a woman stuck inside a man’s body. First of all, let me add, she was a CHILD. She was 14 years old when she came out to her Christian parents and asked if she can begin her transition. She was not only forbidden to do so, she was actually sent to Christian therapists who also told her she was wrong and could not change. Her life was changed completely around. She was taken out of school and not allowed to see her friends. Interesting enough, it was her friends who accepted her for who she was when she came out as gay. After being beaten down and shamed by her parents, Leelah wrote and posted her suicide note and published it on Tumblr. She committed suicide by walking in front of a truck.

After everything was said and done, her parents (her mother) posted on Facebook how her SON had committed suicide and asked for the Facebook community to please keep her family in their prayers…

Excuse me? Please keep YOUR FAMILY in our prayers? No. Let’s keep Leelah in our prayers. Despite everything Leelah wrote and requested, her parents still keep referring to her as “him,” “he,” and “boy.” They obviously have no respect for their daughter and they are blind to see that they are the reason she took her life. Her parents continue to ignore Leelah’s final wishes and seem to have no intentions of accepting their daughter. Her parents are to blame and I stand behind that theory. If they had only opened their hearts and loved their CHILD as they should as her fucking parents, she could still be alive and, most importantly, HAPPY.

leelah_alcorn_kym
courtesy of abc.news

Rest In Peace, you sweet, beautiful angel. We will all remember you as Leelah.

To anyone who is stuck and feels like there is no hope, feels like there is nothing to live for, feels like no one understands them, it does get better. You have people who care. Leelah’s support system should have started at home because no matter how close of friends you have, home is where you go after school, after work to be comforted. Please, don’t give up.

“My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.”
– Leelah Alcorn

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑