If someone told me, at 21, that at 31, I would be married to someone completely different, with no kids, and living in Puerto Rico with two dogs, I would have said… BITCH, YEAH RIGHT!
2008 was the year I regretted piercing my tongue, wore my studded belt with every outfit, and was in the middle of frying my hair with my straightener and dye jobs. My college dorm was my “residency” and I somehow managed to balance my grades, partying, and a long term relationship. Often, I was asked what I planned on doing with my life and I never had a solid answer. I didn’t exactly have a path to follow so I latched on to someone else’s idea of what sort of life plan I had for myself.
Growing up the younger of two, the only daughter, and in a traditional Latin home, I wasn’t exactly given too many choices or options of what I wanted to do with myself. School, however, was never up for debate – I had to go, like it or not. College was absolutely amazing but, at the time, I wasn’t living for myself. It wasn’t until 2009 that life kicked me in my lady balls and showed me I had to do something with my life but in 2008? I was lost. I was lost in this pressure of finding out what I wanted to do; will I marry him? Will I start a family? Will I be a working mom? Why am I in college? I had no guide to help me through these decisions.
So, if I could go back in time 10 years ago, here are a few things I would let Allison (no one called me Ally yet) know.
- No, I didn’t bring anything back from the future, so, you’re just going to have to believe me.
- You will find your calling in school, just not at this very moment. You will need to be alone to figure out what drives you and what makes you happy. Don’t give up on school. This will be your security.
- Yes, your brother marries her. Their love will open a part of your heart you didn’t know existed and your nephew, Damian, will draw out emotions you thought you’d never feel for a human being. You will understand what “fighting for your life” really means and how delicate life can be but Damian will also teach you how strong someone can be, no matter their size.
- That nervous tick you have with shaking your leg is going to be a sign of anxiety. You won’t get diagnosed until about 7 years later. It’s going to suck and you’ll cry because you won’t fully understand why it happens or what is triggering it. I’m still trying to figure it out so just be patient. Not everyone will understand and while some will try to “out do” your pain, there will be others who will empathize and help you.
- That piercing you have, you’re going to take it out and pierce it about two more times. The last time will be the least painful one and eventually, you’ll get bored of it and take it out every now and then. You’ll still have it at 31.
- Don’t try so hard to hold on to people. Those who will make the effort to stay in your life, will. Jen will be one of those. She will go through life turmoils but will finally find her happy place. You’ll be lucky enough to meet her son, Orion, and be proud of the woman she has become all while reminiscing with her about the time you both shared a toilet to throw up in during a drunken night at Webster Hall.
- You’re going to go through your first heartbreak really soon and it’s going to hurt, bad, but it will be worth it. It will take a few years to get over the pain but you’ll reach a day when you can look back at Louie’s old pictures and say, “I’m okay.” I promise you, it will be for the best. Besides, your husband is much funnier, nicer, and he absolutely adores you.
- Stop being so hard on yourself. No one has their shit together. Have fun and screw what anyone thinks of you. You’re going to make mistakes but this is how you will learn.Follow up: there will be two apps where everyone will take pictures and videos to showcase their daily lives where they pretend to be happy; create and patent the apps Instgram and Snapchat. You’re welcome.
- Jessica will be your best college roommate. Trust me.
- Your best concert buddy is actually your brother and you will have a blast cockblocking him at concerts so go to as many as possible.
- The love of your life will finally meet you in the perfect circumstance and take you to places you’ve never dreamed of seeing. He will also bring you two dogs that will love you unconditionally. In this relationship, you will learn you never really wanted kids to begin with.
- There will always be people that don’t like you and that’s OK. You don’t need to be their friend. You are going to keep meeting people you don’t like for whatever reason as well. That’s just life; you can’t win everyone over.
- Not only will you get a job, you will graduate, get a better job, and you’ll buy your own car with money you’ve saved without needing a co-signer. It’ll be terrifying but worth it.
You’re never going to like wearing office clothes, you’ll still wear cartoons on your shirt, you’ll have blue hair, and you’ll still get excited about Sailor Moon. It looks like you’ll always be young at heart… or an idiot. Just enjoy the ride!